One of my childhood friends is expecting children. Huh? I still feel like a child – adulthood is still beyond my event horizon – and I don’t think he’s infinitely more mature than me.

These days, people have children later in life. In 2000, the average age of a first-time mother in Sweden was 28.22 years old; in 2026, it’s 30.74. But even at 30, would I really want children? Really?

Without entering into any hairy philosophical debates, here are some practical considerations¹.

Brace yourself #

Of course, the beginning is rough. It’s hard to appreciate social conventions until you have babies (or in my case, older friends with babies), who really couldn’t be bothered: they screech in the middle of the night, throw up over your back, make a mess while eating. And remember that the sound of crying has evolved to be the most distracting sound ever. You’re in for 6 intense years.

Ages 7-12 are probably OK, but then comes adolescence. At a bare minimum, that’s hormones, eye-rolling, sarcasm.

Diehard commitment #

Be as committed as you possibly can. For the next 20 years of your life – possibly for the rest of your life – your kid will be your top priority. You’ll worry about them every day, and $20 \times 365.25 = 7305$.

My friend Tufva has a good prompt: can you see yourself raising a child alone? While deaths happen, the reason this question is interesting is because your gut-level reaction indicates your level of commitment.

Knowing myself, I’m also sure I’d also want to raise exceptional children. I’d probably try giving my child the upbringing of an European aristocrat in the 19th century: homeschooling, making them learn five different languages, and having someone read them from the canon for 2h every day. I wouldn’t subject them to the full JS Mill experience, but I’d go well beyond a standard Swedish education. I’d probably take Speak, Memory as a manual.

Realistically, such child-raising ambitions are normally incompatible with a 9-5 job. To point out an inconvenient truth: mothers can rarely work full time. If you have flexible hours, wellness allowance and can work remotely, then – and only then – could it work out.

The payoff #

So why on earth do people have children? Here’s Paul Graham on kids:

So to some extent you can’t trust me when I say having kids is great. To some extent I’m like a religious cultist telling you that you’ll be happy if you join the cult too — but only because joining the cult will alter your mind in a way that will make you happy to be a cult member.

It’s a big cult, if that’s of any reassurance. Just the other day, I heard a first-time father describing the profound joy he felt when his kid was smiling at him². Some, like Kevin Buzzard, are excited to have babies to understand humans from first principles.

Becoming the big one #

It isn’t just about the little one – you’ll become a Parent. You’ll get those parent-like personality traits, becoming patient, compassionate and flexible. Having kids requires radical lifestyle changes, so you’ll change in many unforeseeable ways too.

Raising kids is much like raising oneself. What can be more character-building than having kids? It’s like a rigorous 20-year curriculum in becoming a role model.